"Liliko's voice is a hot, brilliant flame dancing upon the dark yet melodic soundscapes rendered by Sirico..."
Music of intense passion and sensuality, Sessomorte runs the gamut of moods and textures. Infusing Electronica with the stirring vulnerability of live instruments, their desire is to convey deep emotion from within the abstract, but limitless framework of synth-based orchestration.
This was the vision born in the dawning dreams of Sirico's musical infancy, and now continues as an expressive chronicle of authentic personal experience and introspection. The threads of disparate influences are artfully woven into lush aural tapestries.
THE NAME
Sessomorte was originally "Sesso e Morte", or "Sex and Death" in Italian, as Sirico elabortates: "I had just read Ernest Becker's "Denial of Death" and was influenced by it's concepts. I found much of it aligned with my existing personal philosophy- one that is in a large part minimal, reductionist and somewhat nihilistic. To (over) simplify; we are driven by primal mechanisms rooted in desire and fear, with no knowledge of the future, and limited control over external forces. All we "know" is what we want and what we don't want, and we can only proceed with those to navigate through the sea of uncertainty that is our existence. We can only decide on our course based on these, and then deal with resulting consequences. I never believed in fate or anything pre-determined...it's all about cause and effect"
Sirico was originally going to simply name the project "Sex and Death", but flavoring it with the Italian translation made it more exotic and mysterious. "I later abbreviated it to "Sessomorte", only because it rolls of the tongue easier, but that consequently augmented it's meaning. What results is "sexdeath"- which is just a self-concocted phrase that could refer to the "death of sex", or an orgasm- but that's just incidental."
THE STORY
Sessomorte began in late 2000 when a musician and aspiring producer met a world-renowned Olympic athlete/aspiring vocalist...
Vincent Sirico, a guitarist/bassist (and incidentally the cousin of Felix Cavaliere of the Rascals) had been playing bass in an original progressive metal band called The Pure. After four frustrating but productive years ('93-'97), it had run its course, leaving him burned-out and jaded from playing the tired NJ/NYC bar circuit.
In 1998 concurrent with his studies of art and philosophy at William Paterson University in N.J., he began exploring and developing new musical ideas. While working on those early compositions, he realized that they could only be actualized by the addition of a vocalist- preferrably female- similar to some of his main influences of the time, such as Portishead, Sneaker Pimps, Everything But The Girl and Sade. So he set out to find his own female vocalist to catalyze his new material. Then, in a poetic moment of pure serendipity, he found Liliko Ogasawara...
Vin wandered (typically) into a NJ bar, where she happened to be ripping it up on its popular karaoke night.
After hearing her perform Fleetwood Mac and Madonna songs, he was blown away by her timbre and talent. "The instant I heard her sing I knew I had to work with her. Liliko's voice was so warm and inviting and it grabbed me immediately. I knew it would compliment my dark writing extremely well. To me it has that ineffable quality, something you can't replicate because it's a unique gift from nature. It affected me in the same way as when I hear Karen Carpenter, or Marilyn McCoo”.
Foreseeing great things, he introduced himself and invited her to sing on some songs he was developing. Chemistry was immediate, and the two began writing and recording what would eventually become "Visceral" in 2007, a track from which appears in Cameron Beyl's film, "So Long, Lonesome".
They since have released “Walls” in 2012, and "Into The Grey” in 2013. Read the full review by Heath Andrews here.
Liliko grew up in Montvale, NJ. She began judo at age 3 and was instructed by her father,
Nagayasu Ogasawara , Head Instructor (Sensei) of Kokushi Dojo in NJ. She seriously competed in judo throughout her life, but always had a passion for dancing, singing and acting. In addition, she was the first female in her county to wrestle on the men's varsity wrestling team for Pascack Hills High School. As a hobby, Liliko sang with the concert choir but was never able to participate in any plays or musicals due to her training schedule. She received her BA in Radio, TV & Film with a minor in Drama at San Jose State University, where she trained with the SJSU judo team. Liliko then moved to Colorado Springs to train at the Olympic Training Center, while beginning to pursue an MA in Counseling.
Throughout her career, she took the silver medal at the '93 World Championships in Canada, the bronze medal at the '95 World Championships in Japan, 7th place at the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, GA, as well as many other medals in national and international competitions while remaining ranked #1 in the nation for her weight category. In 1999, Liliko retired from competing and moved back to NJ. She is considered one of the most successful women to have competed for US women's judo.
When she returned to NJ, she finished her MA in Counseling at Montclair State University. During this time, she had the opportunity to perform in The Vagina Monologues at MSU. Not too long after her move back home, in 2000 she went to a karaoke bar, where Sirico introduced himself to her. She was thrilled to discover that he was very talented in producing music, and they have collaborated ever since. Liliko is a licensed clinician (LPC, LCADC) and currently works in Jersey City,NJ.
Liliko highly values the freedom of expression, the practice of not taking things personally (good or bad), and being fully present in the moment without losing perspective. For Liliko, love is a wonderful feeling but it has to come from within before anything else.
Since birth Vincent has always had an insatiable creative drive. Youngest of four, he was a solitary, introspective kid, and constantly occupied -and pre-occupied- with some kind of creative activity: Building, writing, drawing or painting. However, he didn't embark upon his musical journy until his seventeenth year, when he finally gave in to a life-long urge to play guitar. After about a year of self-teaching, he was recruited to play not guitar, but bass in a neighborhood band. Quickly adding that instrument to his studies, from 1992-93 he played in a cover band centered around St. Peter's college in Jersey City, NJ, and included neighborhood friends and seasoned musicians Paul and Guy Capuzzo, as well as friend/fellow newbie Colin MacMamara on vocals.
What came next in '93 was an original progressive-metal group called "The Pure", with guitarist Lionel Mootoo, drummer
Pete Liebezeit, and singer/keyboardist Jess Ritgers (now with Psychoprism). In this band Vincent continued to hone technical skills and was afforded the chance to further develop his writing. They rehearsed incessantly and recorded several songs at Boulevard Studios in New Milford, NJ with the great Geno Porfido. "I was fortunate to have formed friendships with two great guitarists, Capuzzo and Mootoo. I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to play with and be influenced by them in my musical infancy. Then having Geno engineer The Pure sessions was another great learning experience".
When The Pure inevitably disbanded, Vincent switched gears from the chop-based discipline of prog-metal to the smoother textures and more feasible production of electronic music:
On a fateful spring day in 1998 he entered Tower records in Paramus, and first encountered Portished. "It was playing over the store intercom, and I found it so intriguing that I asked the hot goth girl working there what it was. She told me and I bought it on (lol) cassette tape. They had a strange beckoning sound, like I had heard it before in a dream, or I had written it in a former life, just mystical. It had a dark haunting quality that I found irresistible. Later I learned this was referred to as the Film Noir sound."
In fact three other albums of that year had a huge influence on the gestating Sessomorte sound: Madonna's "Ray of Light", Lenny Kravitz' "5", and the first album by Garbage, all of which spoke to Vin in different ways. Soon after, he discovered ambient compilations on the Quango label, which sent him in the direction of Acid House, Jungle and Trip-Hop. Then after hearing the powerful sound of acts such as Crystal Method, Massive Attack, Bows and Reprazent, he broke under the pressure of his zeal. He bought a Roland synth with a MIDI sequencer and began exploring and writing in these genres himself.
"I read in Rolling Stone that Lenny kravitz wrote performed and produced "5" all alone, and that George Michael did "Faith" the same way, and of course I was always inspired by the one-man wizardry of Prince, Stevie Wonder and Tom Scholtz (Boston). I believed I could do it too. The tech was in place; the midi synths gave me rudimentary multi-tracking capability, but when my brother built me a DAW and I installed Logic Audio Gold in 1999- all hell broke loose. Software workstations were revolutionary: I felt limitless compositional power. I was free to record without the expense of a commercial studio and dependence on other musicians, and with a handful of software and outboard synths (Emu, Roland) was finally able to render the sounds I envisioned, such as orchestras and thick ambient textures. My Fostex tape 4-track went into the closet."
Vin immersed himself in listening and studying. What emerged, was trance and ambient-tinged Trip-Hop in the style of Mono, Archive, Esthero and others. Yet he continued to write on guitar, and was intent on keeping live bass and guitar performances in the compositions. He was impressed by bands that could mesh synths with guitars well, like the Cars, and those that made layered electronic orchestrations sound natural and convincing, like Depeche Mode. He soon found that blending a multitude of different elements and textures required masterful knowlege of EQ and other mixing techniques, and had to (quite willingly) step up his skill set. He also had to learn to think and write like a drummer, pianist, cellist- even a horn player... "I would always get annoyed when I heard people say that computer-based music was inferior or unauthentic, because they assume that the computer somehow does all the work. Nothing could be more untrue. Tweaking drum or string parts bar-by-bar, note-by-note, and achieving a convincing and compelling performance, is actually more difficult than hiring a live musician and recording it. One has be able to convincingly perform everything. That to me is uber-producing".
Working with Liliko, he gets to be a quasi-vocalist as well. "I'm not a singer, and I wrote vocal melodies in The Pure as I would write a guitar line. Since I'm a huge jazz fan, especially of crooners and ballads, I began to take cues from that and other vocal styles and write vocal melody lines for Lil from the perspective of a vocalist. Then I lay down a scratch vocal of myself and even though the result is quite comical, she knows what I was trying to do, and interpretes them. I occasionally leave in my rough vocal takes in the mix as back-ups, if they don't totally suck that is..."
Over the past two decades, Vincent has also participated in various roles in the music of Mat Helm Utopiatemple, a project by prolific artist and musician Mat Helm.
"Working on Matt's material was a challenging yet inspiring time. It allowed me to be a part of something more communal, and evolve as a producer. Matt is extremely creative, but completely unorthodox. He'll present me with what he wants to accomplish, and on my end it usually invovles brain stretching and intense problem solving- but that propels the evolution"
Vincent continues to write with Liliko, and pursue his studies of traditional art, music theory, classical guitar and web developement. As a matter of fact, he built this very site :)
"Liliko Ogasawara has a gorgeous, easy sound you could listen to all day." - Wildy's World
Visceral was recorded over four years through day jobs, night schools, physical injuries and romantic catastrophes. Featuring "You Are My Black Love", from the independent film, "So Long Lonesome", which won best soundtrack at L.A.'s Downtown Film Festival in 2010. Read the full review by Wildy's World.
Special thanks to: John E. Hogan for the lyrics to "White Hot". Matt Helm for shooting the raw footage for the cover art.
AVAILABLE ONLY ON CD
OTHER ALBUMS
WALLS (2012)
This album is considered by many to be "Visceral B-sides". It contains material re-worked from the cutting room floor of those sessions, as well as songs from early proto albums "Prelude" and "Feeling Through Darkness"...early 2000's writing with a 2010's make-over.
Featuring new tracks like "Player", "Frank Sinatra Drive", and "Stranger Hues", and a remix of "A Letter To A Lover", a track chosen by David Dance for the "The Sound Of The Underground 2011" compilation album.
Special thanks to: Megumi Yamamato for the Japanese translation and spoken word performance on "The Circle Of Hurt".
Liliko and Sue for their ideas for the cover art.
OTHER ALBUMS
INTO THE GREY (2012)
Pulling from a diverse musical palatte and quoting different genres, Into the Grey maintains cohesion through an intimate narrative, compelling vocals and emotive musical compositions. An on-going progression of musical exploration and maturity, it was written entirely on acoustic guitar, then elaborated upon.
"This album should be a required listen for any fans of atmospheric electronica music and more importantly, skeptics of the genre who feel the music lacks structure and talent; Sessomorte will prove them sorely wrong." - Heath Andrews (Review You). Read the full review by Heath Andrews.
Special thanks to: J.E.J. Hogan for the Italian translation and spoken word in "Rock and Stone".
OTHER ALBUMS
LYRICS DIRECTORY
VISCERAL (2007)
(Ogasawara)
I know this feeling,
yes I've had it before.
Something that throws me
right down to the floor.
I cannot eat, and I can't even sleep.
A secret inside that's so hard to keep
They move around,
these strange thoughts in my head.
My eyes are wide open
as you lay on my bed.
My skin's alive! don't you understand?
Such a strong drive
and I know that you're...
Trouble...it's coming my way
Trouble...I'm lost in the words that you say
Trouble...I'm shaking inside
Trouble...these feelings just do not want to subside
And so it all goes, the same as before.
never quite knowing
what's beyond your door.
What is this thing
that's gonna make me cry?
for now I am lost,
and you make me high!
Trouble...
(Sirico)
Cold, on a winter day
the ice reflects my memory.
I can hear you say "You were just a summer lay,
and I'm just not that into you,
sorry but it's true."
It was all that I could bear,
when I looked you were not there,
and I thought that I would die.
yeah but I'm still breathin'. And the distance in your eyes
made it clear with no surprise.
Yeah it seemed the deal was done.
Well thanks for nothin'.
Oooh the games we often play; silly things are hearts on strings, I was just your "summer lay".
Warm, on a summer day,
and loneliness still visits you.
Can you hear her say that "You were just a winter lay,
and I could not belong to you,
sorry, but its true."
And you'll look but I won't be there,
it might be all that you can bear,
and you'll feel that you will die,
but you'll keep breathin'...
Oooh the games we often play;
silly things are hearts on strings,
You were just her winter lay"...
(Sirico)
Jenni is a friend that
I've known for some time,
met her on the BergenLine. Dark hair and shy, such a beautiful girl,
she showed me all of her crazy world. But she stares into my eyes
just little too long,
and her feelings for me
seem a bit strong.
I see that look inside her eyes
and I know that Jenni wants to touch me.
Yeah I know that look that's in her eyes,
and I feel that Jenni wants to love me.
The first time I thought
it kind of strange, I must say
when she told me that she was... What could I do? I still want her
as a friend but the crush
doesn't seem to end. She told me that she's never
had these feelings before,
I say no but
I can't keep her from my door.
I see that look inside her eyes,
and I know that Jenni wants to touch me
I know it comes
as no surprise when I feel
that Jenni wants to love me.
Do I want to love her?
(Sirico)
You're so cruel,
to treat me the way that you do, when I'm on fire for you
You're so cruel,
letting me burn like I do.
I gave a name to this flame, you are...
My black love.
You tempt me,
and fill me so deep like the sea, then bring me down to my knees
Ripped in two,
torn at the seams because of you.
Your heart can never be true, you are
My black love.
I'm a fool
to want you the way that I do though I wil never have you
What must I do
to kill my desire for you?
Or will I always be lost here in
My black love?
(Sirico)
I thought with you that I'd be happy,
I thought with you that I'd be sane.
So there were things you did not tell me,
and thanks to you I possibly won't trust again
But I never thought my love for you would die
And you're the only one that's ever made me cry
You think you know someone, its funny
how in an instant they can change.
A self deception- or am I just a silly fool?
The games of love are often very very cruel
And I think you may have killed me with your lies
and you're the only one that's ever made me cry
So perhaps you've got good reason
for doing everything you've done.
And though I understand, don't think I could withstand
any further heartbreak over you
So I'm going to have to leave and you know why
You're the only one that's ever made me cry.
(Sirico)
5 AM, time just sucking away life.
My youth and my soul being bled in a pour,
not a slow drip, a gulp, not a small sip,
and then there's this noise in my head
So confused am I.
More disappointment, I'm kicked while I'm down
and my hope is eclipsed by the dread
I wanna live, I wanna break myself free
I wanna give
but tell me what I'm living for
I wanna love, and I want you to love me too.
I wanna love, but tell me- how is it supposed to be?
Seeking salvation in chemical elation
but the drugs bring no joy and no peace.
Searching for answers in all the wrong places and warped by a severe lack of love.
So abused am I
Between Heaven and Hell, as far as I can tell,
more beast than a god I'm made of
I wanna live...I wanna love...So unmoved am I.
No second chances, too far gone to return
and starting again never works
I wanna live.
(Ogasawara)
You know me in a way that
no one has known me before,
and there's a depth to this love
that's too strong to ignore.
Never could I have imagined
the lesson that I would learn,
and you're teaching me
that love doesn't have to burn.
I see you and I change.
I'm better and it's strange.
I see you and I change,
I'll never be the same.
Your fire warms me so
I'm ignited like a flame,
and I melt every time
I hear you cry out my name.
I see you and I'm drawn in
closer to you still.
There's a wisdom in your eyes,
your beauty is your will.
I see you and I change...
(Ogasawara)
Want me, need me hold me, heal me.
Caress away all of the worries inside.
I want to forget how I've been hurt,
give me your heart where I can confide.
For just one moment I want to pretend
that you are the one who can catch my fall.
I want to feel like this will never end
despite how tomorrow you will not call.
Let me have my little dream of you,
after all it's only fair,
but honey I know you won't even dare.
Trick me right now and make me believe
that I've finally found the one I can trust.
A man who won't ever lie or play games,
someone whose love goes beyond just a lust.
Let me have my little dream of you,
Come on baby, don't be scared.
Wake me up and make it real.
(Ogasawara)
Your stainless steel heart
ripped me to shreds.
A juggernaut inside of your cold cruel head.
You hurt me as no one has hurt me before,
and your generous charm
made me quick to ignore...
That such intense love so quick
and so fast cannot be sustained-
no it cannot last.
The man that I thought that I had come to know
was a terrible child who ran with the show.
Overwhelmed by what you've done.
You left me, I thought I was the one.
You said I was the one.
No reason no rhyme, a dramatic end.
The door shut so hard and it won't let me back in. Suddenly and so abrupt,
your silence is your knife.
It cut me all up,
left me barely with my life...
(Ogasawara)
Oh give to me the fantasy
and don't try to make it real.
Be what you know you cannot be,
my ever faithful man of steel.
The less you say the better off,
just assume the brooding stare.
Mention something like the weather
and tell me how much you care.
"I live to breath you in", that is what you'll say.
"You've gone beneath my skin, and I'll never go,
never go away".
Promise the vision of a love,
even though it can't be real.
The fantasy has sheltered me,
and this dream no one can steal.
Oh give to me the fantasy
and don't try to make it real.
Be what you know you cannot be,
my ever faithful man of steel.
(Sirico)
What a dangerous place, so I am told-
perched on the edge of lost control.
There's one thing I know:
Love is like suicide.
Such a pretty death, a sweet demise,
to loose myself. It's no surprise
I'm falling, though I know that...
love is like suicide.
A dream alive and just as real,
beautiful and strange are these things that I feel.
Now my secret self is revealed,
and love is like suicide.
Give up my heart? A risk I know,
but willing I am and fear I show.
To die one thousand times
if love is like suicide.
So high as my body rises from the ground.
New sight as my world dissolves without a sound.
A living hell is my darkest hour.
Take away my world, my soul devour.
Bring eternal life and god if love...
...is suicide.
(Sirico)
God it takes so long
just to find something to ease my mind.
So wasted, here in broken light.
Gonna take a ride to the other side of life tonight,
can't sit here while all this passes by.
I look at the world outside of me,
spinning around so full of possibility.
Then I think of the soul inside of me,
what will it take to finally set it free?
Don't know what to do, not in love with you-
a waste of time, both yours and mine.
Where do we draw the line?
In my subconscious visions of love,
my soul had risen to heights
unknown to my mind in waking life...
(Ogasawara)
My life is so small,
and there are hands all around me.
But none of them seem,
to touch me inside.
My need is so great,
and I want it to surround you.
I'm drowning in circles inside of my head.
I long for your heart to reach mine.
I am lost and the gap is so wide.
The sand is washed smooth by the tide,
there's a sadness I feel deep inside.
The world is a tear,
and I'm inside.
Left to swim, left to drown.
I look for the truth ,
yet I find only lies...
(Hogan)
The selfless soul
so hard to bear.
The ego is the dragons' lair.
I burn white-hot.
The throe of love
a comic thing.
In tragedy lies the golden ring.
I burn white-hot.
In blackness pure
all light consumed,
In daylights' grim the corpse exhumed.
I burn white-hot.
I lick your wounds
and blame you not.
And in the coldness of space
I burn white-hot.
(Ogasawara)
Your silence is your weapon
and it hurts me to the core.
No shouting, no fighting,
no conflict to abhor.
A disappearing act you chose to perform.
Lost in limbo,
a shadow in a storm.
I can see your face so clear,
hear your voice so near to me.
Thoughts are ever churning,
did my love cause you fear?
Unanswered question,
did you ever tell the truth?
Did you really love me?
I thought your tears were the proof.
Now you're gone, your absence is a fact.
Such selfish mystery,
your disappearing act!
I can see your face so clear,
I can hear your voice so near...
WALLS (2012)
(Sirico)
Where are you off to now my lover,
where will you be today?
Is it all the same to you, tell me,
is it all the same to you?
You act as if it does not matter,
to you its all part of a game.
“No emotion, no complication”
is your solution to everything.
So tell your lies
and make your promises today.
Little do they know
they’re just the conquest of the day.
Keep it cold and keep a safe distance
and then you’ll have nothing to lose.
If it ends with a broken heart...well,
this is the life that you choose.
Out again in pursuit of something
but you’re not quite sure what it is.
Will it make you satisfied
when you hear of all the nights they cried?
So tell your lies
and make your promises today.
Desperate hearts are longing
to believe in what you say.
---
(Sirico)
Well you said all the right things to me,
and I believed you.
Then you did all the wrong things to me,
and now I loathe you.
You have gone and left me longing
for my one true love.
And I lie here and I wonder if he will return to me.
I wait for the day ...
when the one I’ve lost will come back again.
But here I cannot stay...
trapped inside these walls of love.
Inside my head the scene plays back to me...
the heartbreak and the lies.
Upon the wall reflecting back at me...
the drama in my eyes.
How you lied! and how I cried fills me with ire and shame. But these pictures I have please me so,
as they turn to flame...
I wait for the day ...
I wait for the sunrise,
here right before my eyes.
My heart now must take flight,
free from these walls of love.
(Ogasawara)
The sky is about to dream,
the clouds are moving towards.
You are my purple crush,
and you’ve pinned me to the floor.
Heavy breath on skin,
shinning eyes that see,
all unspoken thoughts
as you’re captivating me.
The apple never bitten,
though it teases glossed and red.
I throw it far away,
but it lands right on my bed!
The sky is about to dream,
the pink has given way.
You are my purple crush,
such colors never stay.
Could we freeze this moment here in time?
Let us tangle up in stranger hues.
Could I forget sunsets in my mind?
This is how I feel next to you!
(Sirico)
On a meeting with a stranger,
thoughts are now material.
Maybe we’ll be lovers,
I guess only time will tell.
A catchy little number,
moving to the beat we sway.
Come in a little closer,
baby take me all the way!
Dreams of love,
threw them all away before today
but now I think I’ve changed my mind.
Ooh so many days and nights,
things just weren’t right
I believed they’d never change,
I guess that I was wrong.
Oh Manhatten skyline!
NYC is like a jewel.
Vibe’n by the river,
look at me I look at you.
If we come together, t
here’s one thing I certainly know...
Yeah, I can feel desire,
babe I think I’m gonna explode!
So many broken hearts
I’ve played a losing game.
It seemed so strange but now
maybe the tide will turn.
Oh so many days and nights t
hings just weren’t right.
I believed they’d never change
but I guess I’ll never learn.
Wanna find some solace in the love of another,
wanna see the other side.
I think I can groove with you forever.
Gonna take my chances with the love of another,
gonna give it another try.
I don’t want to be alone forever.
(Sirico)
I just can’t believe what you’re doing to me!
You got me wound up inside
and though I’ve tried to hold on,
I can’t last another day without you close to me,
feeling your body move beneath my hands
and your eyes watching every move I make.
Surrounded by this love,
nothing has ever been this good
I have to give in, even if it breaks my heart...
These words I write are true, my love.
I would be with you for 1,000 years,
if I could that is.
Eternally in love, never to be lost again,
I have found what I have sought.
Many a tear I’ve shed
and battles I have fought.
This is what I see when I look in your eyes...
resolution of a lifelong quest for a heart.
Sadness has been washed away…
These words I write are true, my love.
(Sirico)
I still dream about you baby,
oh baby yes I do.
And if I had you back with me,
this is what I’d do to you:
I would hold you close to me and
make you believe that we would never part.
Look you in the eyes and tell you lies,
just to break your heart...loveless.
You never meant to hurt me baby,
you never wanted to.
But when I told you that I love you,
what else could you do?
You said to me that I no matter how I tried,
could never be the one.
Your love for me had died, it could not be denied.
Remorse you felt was none...loveless.
So you dream about me baby,
oh baby yes you do.
The error in your ways is seen now,
you want me to come back to you.
But fatal are the wounds so deep within my soul,
that I have turned to stone.
From what did unfold, a loveless heart so cold.
Now you must live alone...loveless.
(Ogasawara)
I love a good boy and I love the chase.
You seem to fit the bill but it’s such a waste.
You remain with her, but against your will.
She has you in her hands but I want you still.
You and I throughout all time,
a love so pure- yet so unkind.
It’s there when I look into your eyes.
I’m tired of the lies and the games we play
to complicted ends.
I just have to say, from the start
we two loved without refrain.
Now everytime we kiss just fills me with pain.
...Me and you a love so true,
despite it all it will not fall.
It’s there we you look into my eyes.
I love you to death and with all my soul.
Breathe your every breath- let the truth be told.
Any other man makes me think of you.
I’d rather end my life than not be with you!
(Sirico)
Not a tear, I’m not missing you.
The smile is back on my face.
It’s been a year and I think that dear,
I’ve filled that empty space.
There was a time when I needed you,
but things since then have changed.
And the lies that split us into,
have all else rearranged.
So, it’s too late tonight,
to recreate our past and try
to turn the dark to light.
No, it’s too late tonight,
to think that you’ve a chance at all
to make the wrong all right.
In our prime when our love was fine,
the world could fall away.
Now these lips that you once have kissed
have nothing else to say.
It’s too late tonight...
I remember
the emptiness within your eyes.
Revealing then, what would unfold...
(Sirico)
Rising tides and suicides;
calamity begun.
Hatred sires and urban fires
that mock the burning sun.
Intolerance and ignorance;
the seeds of contention.
Lives dissolve like fading hues
that court the setting sun.
Past the point of breaking
but yet to come undone.
Poison to a weaker soul
is nourishment for some.
Detached and self-absorbed
I wander aimless in a haze.
Longing for nocturnal hours
to wrest me from these days.
The world is coming
down all around me,
but I barely recognize...
a lack of sympathy.
Apathy has taken me!
I have lost the power to feel.
Reallities become unreal,
convictions once so tactile-now, dissolve.
Waking from a stifling dream
like stepping into air.
Intoxicating liberation...
life without a care.
(Sirico)
Easy come, easy go.
It vanished along with the melting snow.
The warmth of spring has brought me no joy,
my love is denied and my heart is destroyed.
I never could tell if you were mine,
you kept me here guessing all of the time.
I gave you my love to be returned,
when you didn’t, baby how I burned.
As the circle of hurt goes ‘round,
it throws you to the ground.
It’s so empty to be in love alone.
As the circle of hurt goes ‘round,
it keeps you tied and bound.
It’s so lonely lying here without you.
Once I was the one he loved,
but he wasn’t what I was dreaming of.
Now I’m here and I’m standing in his shoes,
while you tell me of the things you choose.
See, I love you and you love her,
and he loves me- so no one wins.
On we spin in our dark despair-
chasing love that is not there...
---
(Sirico)
On this sunny day I should feel so high,
as I walk the Lower East Side.
Instead my guts are tight and tied in knots.
The brilliance of this sun-lit town
just magnifies my sadness,
and makes me miss the
things I’ve lost much more.
Now the city is not the same to me,
it has lost its anonymity.
The street now has a face- at me it stares.
And the buildings summon cold regret
in the city of the alphabet,
and 12th & A will never be the same....
Stoned by daylight.
Now the tunnel of The Path, it seems,
to radiate a certain feeling,
but at least down here I’m not punished by the sun.
And the hollow call of a distant train
will forever haunt me,
for every one I rode, I rode to you.
And 1,000 bad love melodies
now suddenly make sense to me,
and 12th & A will never sound the same.
But I’ve had enough of this punishment
to last me a fucking lifetime!
So I’ll hit The Square, smoke,
and forget about you...
Stoned in daylight.
(Sirico)
Soft glances from across the table,
your eyes keep meeting mine.
We’re sipping wine, lights are low,
tossing innuendos through the smokey air.
Soft brushes across my leg,
you make “accidentally”.
Touch my arm when you speak,
you make your feelings known so deliberately.
Ooh you know I wan’cha,
but you belong to another,
and though I’m hear’n whatcha say,
you know that I am gonna love you better.
Ooh ya know I wan‘cha,
but will you leave with the other?
I think your heart wants to stray,
so you and I should
be with one another today.
Plush couches for our conversation
but your smile tells me more.
“Speak” your thoughts right to me,
I hang on every “word” oh so eagerly.
Your biggest secret is biggest interest-
tell me what’s it gonna be?
Is it her? Is it me?
I’ll give a bit of time ‘cause I wanna see...
(Sirico)
Twighlight now decends
giving breath to night,
filled with sensations
I can’t define.
Upon the wall, shadows
from a dancing flame.
The street below is alive
with its sordid game.
1,000 nesting thoughts
now have taken flight,
releashed out into
the endless night.
A slave to desire, have no will to fight.
Tempted by a truth that I can’t deny.
Pacing, in a room of doors,
what lies beyond? You cannot be sure.
Pacing, in a room of doors,
What in the hell are you waiting for?
Synchronized rhythms
that conduct the tide,
the path to follow I can’t decide.
Once again pacing in a room of doors,
indecision rules me forever more...
---
(Sirico)
I've never been the kind that is lucky in love,
think it a burden of the ages.
So I disdain, and I refrain from the folly.
Of the lovers I think them all fools;
trapped in self-made cages, but not me,
I won't succumb to the madness.
So I went from day to dull day,
just performing on stages.
The pantomime, the role of a lifetime.
Then he appeared just beyond a name,
and so I read his dark pages.
He said he loved me, and I turned away.
Oh! I will not fall in love!
searching for the words to say,
what will I do? Run away?
No! Then tell him white lies.
A life full of fetish and fantasy
a neurotic simulation,
and he's there with unusual persistence.
I can't give in and still remain free,
his romantic invitation-
I can't take it- but I can do him from a distance.
Oh! I will not fall in love...
Oooh you know you shouldn't tell a lie!
I spin in circles as I walk the line, feeling
my way through the darkness.
A rogue lover, just a wanderer
He reappeared just beyond the pain,
so I gave into the emotion.
He loved me, then he walked away...
When it comes to you, will love make your body rise?
When it comes to you, will love make you rise?
Will you then reveal the truth that's inside your heart?
---
(Sirico)
My pride and fear
so strong.
I let nobody in
who can steal my light.
I’ve tried to live
but I’ve failed
At least all alone I’ve complete control
The walls I’ve built
so high
Made of steel and stone
they have trapped the air.
It’s poison now,
I can’t breath.
I must escape or in here I will surely die.
If this is a breakdown, then just be a break down.
I’m being blinded by the things that I see.
If this is a breakdown, well lets have a breakdown,
and shatter these chains. You know I gotta be free.
If this is a breakdown, then just be a break down.
I’m paralyzed by all the things I must be.
If this is a breakdown, well lets have a breakdown.
You’re calling my name but all I want is to flee.
(Sirico)
Swam across a sea of lonely hearts,
tossed upon the rocks and torn apart.
All the while I dreamt of only one,
and that is you...the finest of them all.
Adrift upon the waves of fear and desire.
Tranquilized my pain with rancid ire.
In all this time there was but only one,
and that is you...the finest of them all.
I dream of you my love...the finest of them all.
My lust is like a wine that pours and pours.
Drain barrels to their dregs-
still I thirst for more!
Yet for the less I could not fall.
I search for you...the finest of them all.
Forever lost and never to be found.
Regret’s a waste and to hope is to confound.
My memory relives the times with you,
but still- to dream is all that I can do.
I dream of you my love!
It’s only you my love!
I’ll search for you my love!
The finest of them all!
INTO THE GREY (2013)
(Ogasawara)
Shall we roll it back in time?
To when our hindsight was so blind
I was somewhat out of my mind
And you were something far too fine.
I would fight 'til the end for you
And you would hold me until you knew
Let us go back to when it was good
When love was yes and love was could.
Deep in my heart of memories...
I remember a fire in us
A longing need and a primal lust
I felt alive, a brighter star
And destiny would take us far
It seems we were on top of the world
You found that jewel, you found the pearl
So special upon that chain
And there it will forever remain
Deep in my heart of memories
When we were so young
What we had was true
Deep in my heart of memories
I knew you were the one.
(Ogasawara)
You gave me the signs
Right from the start
Pushed me away with all of your heart
But still I believed
In the coming sunrise
When I looked in you're eyes
It's not your fault and yet, iit is
What kind of life are you left to live?
Earthquakes come unexpectedly
Never did I think this would happen to me
Especially on our anniversary
Can we all go on despite the pain?
Will the light push through across this terrain?
Ooh my desert heart is so cracked and dry
Nothing but clouds across the sky
The earth fell out and it was so cruel
I thought I'd be forever with you
Earthquakes come unexpectedly
Never did I think this could happen to me
Especially on our anniversary
(Ogasawara)
You said you were disturbed, that you were messed up in the head
To me it was just a word, wouldn't believe a word you said
You were telling me the truth, between your silly lies
But I took it as a joke, because I never saw you cry
No, I never saw you cry
Little did I know how sick you really were
and when they asked me why I left you
I said you werte disturbed
So you said you were disturbed
that you thought your world should end
It seemed just a bit dramatic, so I told you to get new friends
But how could I have known how deep it truely went
When you'd turn around and laugh
saying it wasn't what you ment
No, it wasn't what you meant.
But then I let it go, stopped playing your tired game
There was too much to decode
and you wouldn't take the blam
And then there was the daywhen everything fell apart
Then I say the truth from inside your leaking heart
Little did I know how sick you really were...
(Ogasawara)
We've sacrificed such precious time
Year after year, yours and mine
Too much invested just to thow it away
All of the memories that we've made
And it's getting harder to prove
That being with you is still the right move
It's not like the issue is black and white
There's grey all around us as we fight
If you could meet me at least half the way
I think I could find a way to stay
Just for today
I want you to be something you're not
You took me right in but I think you forgot
To fight down your troubles
so you could be
genuinely happy right here with me
Another day and the sun still shines
There's warmth in your heart
with the crime
You're not all good but your not all bad
There is love in you still,
and it makes me sad
To think about ending
the love we've shared
The decisions too hard
I don't think it's fair
If you could meet me at least half the way
I think I could find a way to stay
Just for today
(Ogasawara)
I see you through the vodka haze
Memories of our younger days
You were rock and I was stone
Nothing could get to the bone
But I stop inside, I'm back to stone
Stay with tour love, leave me alone
Now I have this buzz, but it will fade
I look through you, beyond the haze.
I remember that one night
Along dark water you shone the light
I thought of our possibilities
That you could be the one for me
But I shook it off and came to my senses
None of your pleas could melt my defenses
You burned me songs staight from your heart
But I told you that we must part
I never took you that seriously
Even when we went to the sea
I banged your rock against my stone
I took it fast, you wanted it slow
I left you again, we parted ways
Separate lives we spent our days
Now you're here back in my house
My stone is slipping into doubt
(Ogasawara)
I'm in the game, the daily grind
Work all day then lose your mind
Watch TV, wait for the end
Computer on, email to send
Days go in and then they go out
I wonder what this life is all about
How did I get this way so fast?
Always hoped my youth would last and last
But still I'm in the game
Life and death in an endless seem
Soon this world will be gone
But I'm still stuck on what to do
Even when I was young and lost
I had to pay the precious cost
of sticking to a master plan
Of trying to mold just who I am
And I've discovered this person to be
A tiny dot in an endless sea
And no it doesn't matter what I do
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose
Still I'm in the game
(Ogasawara)
What's going on? Where did I go?
Funny, I thought I saw her about an hour ago
She was in a bind caught up in a trap
Didn't know the answer
was right between the gap
I saw her in the park, waiting in the wind
Hoping for the sound to rise above the din
Last time I saw her swimming in the waves
Taken by the tide never to be saved
What's going on? Where did i go?
Yeah its me but I'm not
the same old searching soul
who ran around with pain
just trying to fill the hole
I have so much to give
it goes around and back
Grateful for my scars
and the wind against my back
Where did I go? Time is a funny thing
It runs across your face
as bells begin to ring
Where did I go? I came out alive
carried by the wave
from where I almost died
Yeah its me but I'm not
the same old searching soul
who ran around with pain
just trying to fill the hole
I am me but changed
the tune is a different sound
What's gone is forever lost
but at least its me I've found
(Ogasawara)
Dare me to say it
and dare me again
I dare you to tell me
that I am just your friend
You come when I ask you
and you see me alone
We're out in the nighttime
while she stays at home
One more drink
then I'm out of my mind
I must say it now
as you look at the time
You said that you never ever
thought of me that way
Then You tried to leave
as I asked you to stay
So goodnight for now
or goodbye forever
What's done is done
Since you pulled that lever down
Down into tragedy
You come right back to me
Down, down into extacy
I told you the truth
and I thought I was clear
You said I was wrong
but it was just your fear
Say what you want
until you're blue in the face
I know you better
and your words are a waste
Down, where you brought me into tragedy
Down came the lever
you come on back to me
Now we can say goodnight or
we can saygoodbye forever
(Ogasawara)
So this isn't what you thought it would be
Life can be confusing
An eternal vow that you ripped to shreds
Its not what you find amusing
There is a shade that runs away
Between the night, between the day
It's how I choose to live my life
Somewhere...Among the grey
You thought that the shape had perfect lines
But it is just a blur
The one you had called a nasty whore
Has somehow become demure
I hope someday that you will see
The space between the stranger hues
Remember that there is more that this...
Among the grey
So this was right and that was wrong
It made you feel secure
your strict ideas were bound so tight
But now you're ...
Into the grey!
(Ogasawara)
"Are you alright?"
they keep asking me
They just won't believe
I could feel so free
I'm open to all possibilities
There's something new
that I can see
Oh my love goes out
it has been unleashed
And I stand right here,
I have my peace
No I'm no longer bound to
what any others think
But loving them all
Feeling the link
Oh I'll be the best
that I was meant to be
And I stand right here
I have my peace
